One Big Family
When I first started dating my wife when we were in high school, I thought that her family was large. She had three siblings, six aunts, seven uncles, eleven cousins, three grandparents, and a great grandparent. My family felt small in relation. For some reason, at the time, I only thought of my family as my two siblings and parents.
But I remember vaguely a conversation that I had with her and I explained the actually large family that I had. I had an adopted brother, an adopted sister, two half sisters, a step sister, a step mom, a mom, two dads, three grandparents, five uncles, four aunts, and five cousins. You just needed a playbook to keep track of all of them. For my now sister-in-law, she would joke with me that I kept finding siblings when I would talk about a “new one.”
The main reason that I thought mine was small is because it wasn’t a “traditional” family. I very rarely saw some of my family members and I could count on two hands the number of times that I had seen my cousins and grandparents. I also wasn’t close to very many of them. You have to remember this was before social media allowed us to be “close.”
I remember early in our relationship that I would get “jealous” about hearing about all of the family gatherings that her family did. From family reunions and yearly Passover get togethers, it felt like her family was large and close because they were able to see each other more often.
Why did I feel the need to compare our families? Was it that I had hoped for a family that was more “normal?” Were there societal pressures saying that a family had to look or act one way? Probably not but I got in my own head and didn’t truly value the family that I had or the experiences that I had with them.
For the first 30 plus years of my life, I took my own family for granted. While age difference played a factor in some of my relationships, much of it was my own doing. (Read more about this on 65 Cents.) I didn’t take the time to call or write my family members and when I was with them for short periods of time, I didn’t value the time that I had with them.
It wasn’t until a couple of years ago that I truly saw my family as something that I am proud of. With our blended families, I have four sisters, a brother, seven brother-in-laws, three sister-in-laws, twelve nephews and nieces (with another on the way), six parents, too many aunts and uncles to count, and three grandparents.
For years, I complained about my birthday week (and my wife’s as they are the same) as it is often the same week as Chanukah and Christmas. We have to balance three families that want to celebrate our birthdays and holidays and it always felt like a lot of work. But in reality, I wouldn’t change it for anything. From the beginning of December until this upcoming weekend, we will have celebrated seven birthdays, three holiday celebrations, and New Years with over 30 different family members.
I have watched as my siblings have started getting married and started their own families. And while we are separated by miles, ages and interests, we have grown closer over the years. This weekend alone, my kids got to see eight of their cousins and I am so glad to have worked on building stronger relationships so that our own kids can grow up together.
If it wasn’t for my grandparents and parents, I would not be blessed with such an amazing family and I hope to continue working on all my relationships my family. Life is too short to take our families for granted.
What are some ways that you have stayed close to your family?